Whozit who stinks?
Do they ever wash with soap?
Papers say barely 11% of Paris Apts. have bathrooms
Well, one can wash in the sink. These people don't even try
Maybe a reunion of Paris's champion stinkeroos?
It's a pure chance
There's no reason to assume that folks stink any less elsewhere
No reason. But jeez, what a smell!
What's that stench?
Lady, that's Barbouze, the perfume by Fior
Oughtta be a law against stinkin' up the area!
- It's me Zazie! You my Unkie? -I am indeed your Unkie
-You smell good! -It's Barbouze by Fior
-Put some on me. -It's mens perfume
-Hi baby brother -Hi, Jan
-Thanks for babysitting. -No sweat. We'll be OK
Meet you here day after tomorrow...
... the 6:50 a.m. train
-How's the wife? -Fine. Come visit
Joking? I've no time.
When Mom's got a loverboy, the family comes 2nd
-She's got it bad -Let's go
-We gonna take the metro? -No
-Whadaya mean no? -I mean no. We got Charles' heap
I've a confession eatin' my guts,
a True Confession, Confidential! I'll forego my infancy
No, I ain't free, I'm waitin' for my buddy
Here's my buddy, Gabriel
Some crumby heap!
If you ain't havin' any...
-Pile in, don't be a snob. -A snob, my ass!
Your niece is a laugh riot.
Mu God!
STRIKE
-Bastards! To do this to me! -Not just to you
It is to me! I want to ride the metro bad!
-Big, big Shit! -Calm yourself
-When'll the strike end? -Don't ask me, I'm no politico
T'ain't politics, it's dough
-Ever strike. Mr.? -To get my fares raised
For this icky old heap, they oughtta lower your fares!
Paris! A real cool town
Dig that, The Pantheon
-Bull! -It's not the Pantheon?
No, no, no it's NOT, the Pantheon
-What then? -Haven't a clue
-Ask a passerby. -Passersby are fools!
True enough!
I got it! Your Pantheon was Notre Dame
Maybe, but it's gone! Let's drop it
Kid, how's that for a cool piece of architecture?
Napoleon's tomb
You're way out in left field! That's the police barracks
Are you trying to be funny?
...to make you laugh, my child
Truth is, he means to be funny
Don't think you can make fun of me, you beat-up old fools!
That's your Beat Generation!
Take your Beat and...
If you really-wanna-see the REAL tomb...
...of the REAL Napoleon, then I'll take you
Napoleon, my ass. That old creep and his sad-sack hat
So, what interests you?
THE METRO!
Metro. There's your metro!
The Metro. The Super-Metro!
-It's the El. -And not the metro?
I'll explain
Sometimes the metro comes up for air
Bull! You never tell the truth
Truth! Waht do you, what does anyone know about Truth?
The Pantheon, Napoleon's tomb, the Notre Dame...
...It's all bullshit!
What a pity! What a pity!
-There! Whazzat? -Who knows
Watch the birdie; he bites
Mr. Charles, you're 1 sad apple
Sad apple, my ass!
That does it!
I don't want a foul-mouthed slut in my house talking dirty,
and perverting the neighborhood!
Yackety-yak, that's all you guys can do
Soup's on
-Ah, consomme! -Don't push it
So, little one, Are we tired? Are we sleepy?
Who's we?
We's you
What time do you sack-out at home?
Home and this pad is different, I hope
Are you saying yes or do you mean yes?
See, Albertine, how kids reason at her age!
-Why bother with school?
- I wanna go to school till I'm 65. - Till you're 65?
Yes, I wanna be a teacher
Good job! Great benefits
Benefits, my ass? It's not for the benefits
Then why teach?
To piss off the li'l brats!
In 50 years, 100, 1000 years, I'll still have li'l brats to piss off!
I'll make 'em chew erasers
I'll jab compasses in their fat behinds
I'll kick their bottoms
I'll wear boots with spurs to tenderize their meat!
According to what newspapers say on modern education,
schools are on a kindness kick,
Stressing sweetness, gentility and understanding
Doesn't it say so in the papers?
Right! Were they mean to you at school?
That'd be the day!
In 20 years, there'll be no more teachers
They'll be replaced by movies, TV, electronics, and the like
This was also in the papers
Isn't that right, Albertine?
Then, I'll be an astronaut!
-That's got a future -I'll piss off the Martians!
Kid thinks big
You game for a movie?
Have to be on the job at 11:00
I'll go with Auntie
No dice! She never goes out without me
Smooth skin
She fell right off to sleep
But tomorrow...
Don't let her wake me!
Kids roll out of the sack early
But I need my beauty sleep...
10 hours, are essential
Yackety-yak, that's all you guys can do
Yak, my ass!
Come again?
I said, "Yak yak, my ass." Ow!
What do you mean by that?
What I mean is, I don't like that kid around
Like her or lump her... that's hard cheese for you
Gettin' wise, like your niece?
There's a law against sub-fools like you
Know what a sub-fool is, you sub-fool?
- Yes! - What then?
It means your language stinks
You're getting on my nerves
I won't have that brat in this house!
How's that?
I won't have that little sucker...
Can't we get any sleep around here?
What's this mess?
Yackety-yak...
...that's all you guys can do
- It's a goner - I'll buy you a new one
Thanks, but not in pigskin
Name it, then... Kid?
Sharkskin?
Russian leather?
Lizard?
Crocodile!
It's expensive
but chic
Your Aunt is so sweet
And him. What's he doin' here?
He's the landlord, an A-1 Landlord, a buddy,
- 1 sweet guy. - Sweet, my ass
I hear her "My ass"!
- Go on, and don't talk dirty - T'ain't me, it's her!
Squealer!
Gabriel, you forgot your lipstick
Li'l one!
Come here! Hurry up!
Where are you going? Come back here right now!
Come back right away!
Help! Help! I don't want to go with that man!
I don't know him!
- He told me "things..." - What?
The kid's running away. I'm taking her home
- Tell what the nasty man said. - I don't dare
What'd he want?
Dis-gusting!
- What DID he want? - Never heard tell of that one
Incredible!
- Some folks are real S.O.B.'s! - What'd he say?
I don't get it
Know what my husband dreamed up one day?
We tried to one time...
No idea where he got that one...
Get lost, Jack, I says to my husband...
Jeez, I've never been so scared
That'll teach you
Well, it didn't kill you
The kid took off! The kid took off!
The kid took off?
- They thought me a lech! - Get jitters?
It was worse than bombs!
Bombs! They never scared me, as long as they were British
I wasn't scared either
Result: they never hit me
I got a big bang out of those fireworks. Boom!
There goes a munitions dump!
A station blown sky high!
- A factory in smithereens! - Paris burning. What a show!
The good old days!
Whassamatter kiddie, feelin' blue?
That bad eh?
Poor itty-bitty kiddie
Do your folks beat you?
You lost something and are afraid to tell them
- Tell me. You can trust me - Why should I?
'Cuz I love little boys and girls
- Then you are an old lech! - Absolutely not
During the German occupation,
I was screwing up 6 ways 'til Sunday
Germans, controls, fines, requisitions. Never any luck!
Thank God I inherited this joint. Quit bitchin'!
- What's this? - Flea Market
Where Rembrandts are dirt cheap for resale to Americans?
Not just Rembrandts. Shoes. Lavender. Tacks.
- And G.I. surplus? - Yes, and real good french fries
I love G.I. surplus
They got mussels, guaranteed non-poisonous
They got blue-jeans?
Sure, and compasses, too
Who cares! I want blue-jeans
Let's go see
I don't trust you!
Got any jeans for the kid?
I'll get them
CLEARANCE SALE
These'll never wear out
Big deal! In a year she'll outgrow 'em
- For a kid brother? - Got none
- In a year, who knows? - No way. Her mom's dead
Say, I'm sorry...
Let me get it straight. Why are kids jeans G.I. surplus?
The Americans had kids in their army?
Sure. Takes all kinds to fight a war
How much for these?
I throw 'em in free with the jeans
Hungry, kiddie? What say you to some mussels?
- Or french fries? - Both
Wine
Impossible!
You sure slop it up slower than my Pop
He'd have put away 10
- Your Pa drinks alot? - He did! He croaked
Really? Were you very sad when he died?
- Joking? With what went on! - What went on?
Hustle the mussels!
Remember? Housewife Hacks Hubby with Hatchet?
You don't read the news?
Get you, tryin' to talk it up with me!
So, the Housewife was Mom
Naturally, the Hubby was Pop
It made the front page. Mom got a bit-shot lawyer,
from Paris... a real idiot. But he got her off
Everybody cheered Mom
Damn near gave her a medal
- Are you interested? - Not particularly
Hypocrite!
Come on! Don't pout, I'll tell you the story...
Mom could not stand Pop
so Pop was sad and began drinking
You with it?
It happened last year...
A Sunday in October,
I had just returned from football...
Pop was all alone in the house...
...All alone, waiting...
...Waiting for nothing special...
...Just waiting...
So I come in
Pop is drunk as a skunk
He starts to kiss me
So what? He's my Pop
That was incredible
Then the door opens slowly
You see, Mom had told him...
"I'm leaving to buy spaghetti and pork"
But she was lying. Pretty smart, eh?
So she oozes in, real quiet
Pop wasn't paying attention! That's how mom sent him to heaven
Still, mom got off the hook
With congrats, yet
Don't you think that takes the cake?
Help!
I don't want to go with that man! I don't know him!
- He said 'things' - What?
Li'l thief!
She swiped them blue-jeans from my shop
- Bad kid! - What a shame!
She never learned that property is sacred?
What if I took you to the cops?
They'd throw you in jail
Pity on this child, sir
It's not her fault she's underprivileged
Don't blame her. Hunger made her do it
Haven't you ever been hungry?
Hungry? Lady, I myself am an ex-orphan
We'll see what your folks say
Unkie, a cop wants to talk to you
You're a copper?
Me? I'm a poor peddler
Pedro Surplus, they call me
Don't buy it. He's a cop
Gag a minute, this kid
Don't talk without a lawyer
She thinks I'm a dope
No respect for her elders
This is all bull. I'd rather go
So you live by exploiting little girls?
Me?
The kid was working the Flea Market
What's your occupation?
Entertainer
The kid claims you're a night watchman
A white lie
What... type of entertainer?
- Spanish ballerina - I see. So you are...
Of course not. I do a skit in a skirt in a nightclub,
strictly for laffs
With my waist, you see?
Aha! Sodomy, presbyterianism, and homosexuality!
- What's a hormosexual? - A man who wears blue-jeans
Bull!
Take that off!
No. They're mine! Kick him out!
What if he's a copper?
So what?
Love can flower at 1st sight
I have a few questions for Madame
Shoot
Occupation?
Housewife?
Which means...?
Which means, for instance, dumping the garbage
One burger
Hello, Charles. Lunch with us?
- Thought it was all set. - Just reminding you
I ain't forgotten
I'm confirming!
Why confirm it? It's set
Hurry up, let's eat!
23 MINUTES LATER
So what's this guy saying?
Nothing
He's eating?
- Boy can he eat! - Did he start with sardines?
Same as you
- And to drink? - Dago red
- How much? - Half a bottle
My plate! What're you thinking?
I'm thinking of Charles
Serious hunk of man...
He has a good job, makes good money!
He's not too old and not too young!
He's good-looking, healthy... Thrifty
A real dream boat!
Trouble is, he's too romantic
Got a shoelace? I just popped one
I'm closed, come back at 2
- Ain't these laces? - Hands off, mister!
You can't refuse me a lace. It ain't human
Don't cry to soften me up! Cop! Lecher!
Insults; the thanks I get for bringing her back to her folks
- And What folks! - What's wrong with 'em?
- Her Unkie's a... - Drop dead!
Who gives orders to whom?
Gabriel's a good citizen. We like him. He's got sex appeal
Cut it out!
- Gabriel's O.K. - Prove it
- He's married. - Proves nothin'
Henri III was married, too; to Louise de Vaudemont
That dame was Queen of France?
Why you bird-doggin' 'round here anyway?
I restored a lost kid to her family
And now it's me who's lost
The metro's that-a-way
You don't understand. I've lost My Self
- What do you mean? - Like, ask me anything
Ask me my name, maybe
O.K. Name?
I haven't a clue
- I never learned it by heart - Why learn a name by heart?
- What's yours? - Gridoux
See, you memorized yours
You're right
I don't even know if I ever had a name
Impossible!
It ain't possible to say it ain't possible
- And how old are you? - Search me
When I'm asked what I do, you know!
It's not that I don't want to say, but...
Yes, of course
- The metro's still that-a-way? - This way... that way...
But the metro's on strike!
Paris is coolsville
Beats me why Paris is always pictured as a lady
What?
I didn't know you dug good-talk
A sudden strike of genius
Us artists are like that
Take a look at that
The Pantheon, Napoleon's Tomb,
The Follies-Bergeres,
The metro
Jeez. Makes me dizzy
- Ain't that high - All the same...
- There's Charles' heap! - Oh, my glasses!
I got a confession eatin' my guts...
A True Confession, Confidential!
Forget my childhood. I was young then
Forget my education. I had so little of it
As to my military service; I won't get into it
I am loath to boast of it
A bachelor since birth,
life has made me what I am
Up, Down... Down, Up
...Over, Under, In, Out...
...Such is the life of man until he dies
.A taxi bringeth him...
...An elevator removeth...
The Eiffel Tower, the Pantheon... ...all Paris, yet -- a dream...
Zazie's a dream...
and all this jazz a dream within a dream
A dream within a dream...
A dream within a dream!
20 years since I been up
- How old're you? - Guess
You're pretty beat-up... 25?
- Plus 10 - You don't look it
- How about Unkie? - He's 32
Looks older
Don't tell him. He'd cry
'Cause he's a hormosexual?
Where'd you get that one?
The copper said so
Not true
Yes, true
I mean, it ain't true about Gabriel
What makes him hormosexual?
...The perfume?
- You got it. - That's no crime
- Are you hormosexual? - Me? A Fairy?
- No, you're a cabbie. - You see!
I don't see a thing. So, why ain't you married?
- Never found the one. - Picky, ain'tcha?
- Would you go for me? - You're a kid
- Some kids marry at 10 - Do I send you?
Heck no
- You've screwy ideas. - True. I wonder where I get 'em
Way down below
the graves are slopping over with ex-Parisians
who raced up and down stairs,
who banged around in the streets,
who did so much, that they X-ed out of the picture
Pleasure, waves them onstage
a hearse drags them off
The Eiffel rusts quicker than the bones in water of death,
which rot in the crud of this dead city
But me, I'm alive
That much I know for sure
Of the cabbie and my niece, 1000 feet up,
of my sweet missus, Albertine, back at our pad,
I only know at this exact instant,
they're not here,
so it is as though they were dead
A whim produces us...
A whim seduced us...
Hurry it up!
Gabriel! What's up, Doc?
Where in hell are my Krauts?
No car? Want a lift to Ste. Chapelle, that Gothic jewel?
No. I'm with Charles. Good-bye
Answer me!
You're a pain! I don't like your questions
You just don't know the answers
- Where were we? - I ain't the marrying kind
Not all women ask questions, like me
What're you talking about? You're a brat!
- 'Scuse me! I menstruate! - Keep it clean, OK?
- Clean? It's life. - It's not life
You should know, in your racket
I heard cabbie's see all types of sexuality
Cut it out!
That's all you can say! Boy, you're repressed!
Come back, tell me about it
Whatssamatter? You afraid of me?
Same routine, sexuality,
same old jazz,
dis-gusting...
They're 1-track minded
- Where're you going? - I'm takin' off!
- What about us? - Take the metro!
I've had it with that brat!
Unkie, I want an ice cream
- Where're we going? - My rehearsals's at 6
- Grab a cab. - With the metro strike
- Why'd Charles slink off? - No reason
- That's no reason.
- He just split. - Tell me why
That jazz you talk is too grown-up for him
What if I talk jazz to you?
Try me
Like, are you hormosexual, answer me, yes or no?
Poor Charles
Answer!
Cutie-pie, you're hurting the nice man
- You mustn't brutalize adults - He won't answer me
Is that a reason, lovey?
We should all try to avoid violence
It's reprehensible
Reprehensible, my ass
Lay off the kid, OK?
- Some educator you are. - Educator, my ass
She has such a foul mouth!
Mind your own beeswax!
- I've my ideas on education - Such as?
First, understanding
What about my question, hey?
I've had it with you
Be understanding, now
Are you making a pass at my Unkie?
He's married
I'm still a virgin, you know
and a widow, to boot
My rehearsal!
I'll never make it
- Unkie, my question... - Try asking me
- Is he a hormosexual? - Him? Sure he is
Really!
You're tough on women
Answer her question; to educate her
You gonna tell me, yes or no?
What's a hormosexual?
Help! Help! Kidnappers!
I won't take that shit!
- Tired? - No. Dis-gusted
Officer, a man was kidnapped. A hunk o' man!
Hurry! It's my Unkie!
I got a car. Kidnappers, beware!
- She not such a jerk. - Most kind of you
Don't mention it
- You done, ladies? - Who asked you aboard?
- Women! You asked me! - Words make no sense anymore
That's just like a cop!
And judges are even worse
- They all stink! - Haven't I seen you before?
I doubt it
- She could be right. - Most kind, dear
-A pleasure, my dear. - Too sweet of you
They'll drive me whack-o!
It ain't possible
A cute cop like you knows a trick or 2
Strictly legal, of course
You'll see what Trouscaillon's made of!
His name's Trouscaillon!
I'm just plain Mrs Me, like everyone else!
My rehearsal!
- He's wonderful! - A sheep
Isn't he cute?
Unkie; the cop: You're insatiable!
Where's Ste. Chapelle, that Gothic jewel?
Forget my education...
... I did
As to my military service...
Cpt. Fedor Balanovitch welcomes you aboard
We are now directly over the Trocadero
Altitude 5'11''. Airspeed, 6 knots
Left, the Soc. Security Bldg, apex of out civilization
I can't take it anymore!
I'll try a short cut
Mme., Could you be lost?
The zephyr has wafted us off our course
And here's the Ste. Chapelle, that Gothic jewel
Hurry up, it's gonna close!
- He's growing on me... - She's out to lunch
Your driving is masterful
Your rehearsal WAS at 6:00
Traffic. Did the missus bring my new dress?
The missus? Man THAT's news!
Put the token on my tab
The # you've dialed is no longer...
Oh, it's you!
Mado? Run tell Albertine...
- I can't, I'm alone. - Clients? Boot 'em out
I can't boot Charles. He's proposing
Congrats. But it's urgent!
- So? Yes or no? - This is so sudden
I got to think it over
Yes? or no, yet?
Yes
Gabriel? Mado and I...
are engaged
I'm announcin' our nups
No difference, but it makes screwing legal
Gotta celebrate the nups
All of you come watch my number
Tell Albertine to hurry with the dress
Say, is the kid home yet?
This tops it all off!
I oughtta fire you
Thanks for ditchin' me
Left me stuck with that old bag
Some job! A fanny-wiggler in a dive
Are you OK?
I'm engaged...
- You're pregnant? - Not yet
But we're getting married anyway
This calls for a drink. Allow me to offer you a drop
- You sure talk good. - It comes natural
- You've hardly touched it - I'm driving
I nearly forgot: Gabriel says hurry with the dress
He's asked us all for drinks tonight
Stop! Stop!
Fire! Fire!
At their age!
I'm losing my head
Ain't we all?
You here?
- You 'n the cop are a real yak. - A yak to you, to us it's real
Real, my ass
I simply must get dressed
What threads should I wear?
I can't picture you naked
It's just us girls
Alone?
Out for a stroll, my dear
It's no time to walk alone
I'm waiting for the gang. We'll see Unkie dance
That elephant? In a tutu, yet
May I walk with you?
I'm so-o lonely
Be understanding with adults
Ah, love! It's great! Someday you'll know
No smut, lady, or I call a cop. A DIFFERENT cop
Cruel child
Poor old bag. Still, cops ain't my dish
Of course, if your uncle had only...
Lay off my Unkie, he's married
and you ain't stacked like my Aunt
Trouscaillon is enough for me
Because Love is...
- You're a broken record - Then bye!
An engagement...
That calls for a virgin-white blouse
Then, mine can be off-white
What about your green and purple skirt?
You like me in it?
- You bet. You were dreamy. - Then you know I'm alive?
I'm pretty big on you
Indeed?
You're the greatest
You really built. And oh, so-o chic
You exaggerate
You're the most
Why don't we see you more often?
Yes, why don't we?
You, the picture of Beauty and Hygiene...
I'm not the show-off type
Wait! I hit even harder
Why'd you ask us over tonight?
You who hide behind the veil of modesty,
who flees the admiring throngs
The cabbie's engaged?
Who dat old goon?
- I hate parrots. - See an analyst
I seek to analyze my dreams
What dreams?
Of wet-nurses
What's wrong Mr. Gabriel?
Stage-fright
You're on!
Stage-fright!
On accounta me?
- No, Mr. Pedro - Why Mr. Pedro?
'Cuz that was your name this morning
Forget it. I did
Wanna know what I'm after?
Couldn't care less
Dis-gusting
I've got some questions for you
I won't talk
But I am Inspector Bertin-Poiret
My card
An obvious phoney
Ever see a gangster movie?
I'd have you busted. No warrant, violation of domicile...
I could go for the violation bit
I've got you under my skin
Minute I saw you, I wanted in
And baby, it's cold outside
I am rather impatient by nature
I got it BAD
You're a phoney cop
Do you think that real cops can't fall in love?
You're a fool
Some cops can't get to 1st base
My fatal charm...
My fatal charm will slam a four-bagger
You must be kidding!
Just wait until my sex appeal goes to work
And if it doesn't work?
Then I'll jump you
The A.M., it was Zazie
But a real looker like you...
- Where's the gang? - They bore me
- I'll get your bag. - I play the field
This A.M., the kid
At 12, you, baby-doll, you. In the P.M., that society broad
The Baroness Me. 1 look at me,
and she's over me like a cheap suit
5 minutes later, I'm a baron
Am I too hi-class for you?
You don't dig my fatal charm?
- Why get clothesed? - You mean "clothed"
Ya can't show me
Look it up
So! An egghead, yet
Let's see: Cloam, Clonic... All households words...
Clote... here it is: Clothe!
I clothe, I clothed, I am clothed
"Clothed!" I was right
Unclasp, unclothe: Opposite of "Clothe"
"Unclothe" Get it? UNCLOTHE!
Take everything off, my darling
Gabriel's show is the best
- But no new material. - That's show people
They always plug the same routine. - Don't we all?
- Not me. I keep changing my act. - Because your act stinks
It's always a big ol' flop
You're a Grade "A" ham
- Even in uniform? - It don't help
It's the lecher!
- Where's the moustache? - Left it home
Disturbing the peace...
Making a public nuisance...
Look again. I'm a copper
Onion Soup!
Gabriel, I hereby proclaim and decree,
when it comes to dancing,
You're Top Banana!
Cheer up. Ugly as you are, you're sure to hook a new man
Onion soup. Wine...
...That's the life!
Chow down, Zazie
Let her sleep. Let her dream
That hag's still aboard?
Be charitable. Right, old hag?
You're kind. Chilrden are heartless
How long's she gonna yak on?
Can it! The old bag's had it
- The ladies hate our 'kraut? - You guessed it
Foreigners griping about French cuisine!
- Know what that costs? - You tell me? I'm in the business
It goes down easy
See? You can't lose face
People are fools,
including you
Is it the prices? They're fair...
...but the taxes!
Take your hands off me!
Revenge!
1 for Laverdure,
1 for Mado...
To hell with cops!
God is dead!
Yes, it is I, Prince Haroun al Raschid,
whom you have known, yet little appreciated
Trouscaillon! Dream boat!
Too stupid. I, who have high-yield investments
Crooked arm of the law, noctivigant rogue,
hunter of widows and orphans
I gaily don the mask of confusion and error
Go to bed. I'll care for the kid
The strike's over!
An idiot at that
If he insists, maybe I won't say no, but,
I won't run after him no more
Bye Albert
Bye, Sir
So, did you have fun?
- So-so. - See the metro?
So what did you do?
I grew up some